Emma-Jean Lazarus Fell Out of a Tree

by Lauren Tarshis
Dial 2007

There's a crackling funkiness to this book that hooked me early on, the hissing anticipation of a very long fuse on an unseen firecracker. You watch and wait for that fuse to reach its powder keg and at the last minute it just stops.

From that you might assume that I was disappointed or that I didn't like this book. Generally that would be a correct assumption. Here though, the longer this book sits with me the more I'm beginning to believe that it very nearly achieved that difficult balance between a perfect anti-climax and a missing last chapter.

Emma-Jean is the deliberate, deceptively simple seventh grader who views life with the cool detachment of a scientist. She inherited her mannerisms either genetically or behaviorally from her father, a math professor, who has been dead a few years now. From her rational viewpoint everything can be studied and puzzled out, all problems have a logical solution.

In the bathroom a girl she is acquainted with named Colleen (she has no friends by her own admission, and none the worse for it either) is having a panic attack because her best friend Kaitlin uninvited her to a weekend ski trip to invite the queen bee Laura along instead. Emma-Jean takes in the information and the casual challenge that Colleen utters when she wishes something could be done about the situation. Emma-Jean sets about to lure Laura away from the trip so that Colleen can be re-invited. The plan is to create an official-looking document from the school inviting Laura to perform at a special ceremony for the basketball team, appealing to Laura's pride and vanity. By the time Laura figures out it was a prank the other girls are already well on their way and Laura is out for blood.

In her own subtle way Emma-Jean finds herself fond of one of these basketball players, a boy named Will, who one day she hears being slandered by a spiteful teacher. In no time she is on the case, solving the mystery behind this teacher's rage and setting about to help clear Will as well. At home, Emma-Jean and her mother have taken in a housemate named Vikram, another scientist, who may or may not have affection for Emma-Jean's mom. This idea comes to her later after she has set about finding Vikram a suitable mate in the form of her very understanding English teacher at school.

Emma-Jean's problem solving begins to turn when Laura deduces who was behind the prank and threatens to get both Emma-Jean and Colleen in trouble. The stress of having to face the wrath of Laura makes Colleen physically ill and, in an attempt to help, Emma-Jean has an accident that explains the book's title.

This is where things get dicey, as all the story elements begin to come together it is obvious that things will get cleared up and everyone will be happy. Except for Laura, who gets a good dose of Colleen's newly acquired self-confidence and is turned down at the school dance by Will. Emma-Jean does not get in trouble, Will is suddenly no longer the brunt of his teacher's anger, Vikram may or may not be the replacement for her late father, and the janitor who knows some of Emma-Jean's secrets and is himself one of her protectors lets her know that he is about to retire.

Badly handled, all of this would play a little too pat, but it doesn't make for a truly satisfying ending when all along you're waiting for things to blow. It isn't until Emma-Jean has her accident, and Colleen is dragged to her minister for a little confessional time, that I sensed things might be as satisfying as I'd hoped. After a short pep-talk, Colleen is finally able to move forward with confidence and that bothers me. Though it's Emma-Jean's story -- and she does get a little lesson in when not to meddle in others lives and how to accept the fact that she's a little distant -- it's Colleen who must make the greatest growth and (here's the problem) it doesn't come from within. Yes, she is helped to understand the idea of not being perfect, and that weakness is what being human is partly about, but to have her sudden strength given to her is a little too much like the Cowardly Lion's courage. We know it always had to be there, deep inside, but if it doesn't come out naturally then it isn't really a change of character, it's a device of plot.

I do think that Tarshis manages to capture a unique personality type in Emma-Jean, the "special" girl with the analytical abilities far beyond her emotions. The hints at a growing self-awareness within Emma-Jean would make for a fascinating character study once she's off to college, but for this book it's more quirk than anything. For seventh grade girls who deal heavily with the queen bee/wannabe social dichotomy the idea of a world outside the clique will seem foreign and weird. I don't imagine this book is for any of them but for those who may be on the cusp of having to decide whether they are in, out or beyond.

I think more than a few sixth grade boys could benefit from this story as well.

Fourth Grade Rats

by Jerry Spinelli
Scholastic 1991

"First grade babies!
Second grade cats!
Third grade angels!
Fourth grade . . . RRRRRATS!"

So goes the old playground chant, setting up the story of Spud and his pal Joey as they begin their first weeks of fourth grade. While Spud views the idea of being a rat something less than desirable Joey is proud of the possibilities. Being a rat to Joey means pushing smaller kids off the swings, making a mess of his room, defying his mother, trading peanut butter and jelly for bologna sandwiches, and bathing once a month. To Joey, being a rat is the first step toward being a man.

Spud is dubious, he's not really sure he's cut out to be a rat. Spud also has a crush on Judy Billings who doesn't even give him a second glance. But one day Joey allows a bee not only to crawl all over his arm but sting him and instantly he's a magnet for the attention of girls, including Judy Billings. And if that's what it takes to get her attention, then Spud's going to become a rat.

The going isn't easy for Spud. To prove he's no longer a crybaby he has to watch his video of E.T. and not cry. He has to dump his baby-ish lunchbox and start using a paper sack. He has to climb out onto the roof of his house and get over his fear of heights. And, according to Joey, he has to stand up to his mother and refuse to clean his room. Then Spud screws up his courage and tries to sit with Judy at lunch. When she rebuffs him, and when the school bully pulls the chair out from under him, he goes on a true rat-worthy rampage. He smashes a younger kid's face into his cake, he tosses kids off the swings with abandon, in short order he becomes the king rat.

Impressed, Judy wants to walk to school with him. Along the way she dares him to pick up and carry a spider to school, allowing it to crawl all over him, which vaults Spud into the third grade spotlight. But when Judy needs Spud to climb a tree and retrieve her cat his machismo falters as his fear of heights returns and he remains trapped in the tree until he can be rescued by his parents. Joey's own rattitude takes a sudden turn when his mother finally decides enough is enough. In the end, Spud learns his first steps toward becoming a man has little to do with acting mean and impressing girls and more to do with accepting himself for who he is.

That's quite a bit to cram into 80 pages, and Spinelli does it with the breezy economy that appeals to middle grade readers. It's interesting that Spinelli goes for the fourth graders moving from underdog to top dog because it is clear even in this book that the true top dogs are the barely-mentioned sixth graders. In that respect I think the book serves as a cautionary tale for younger readers who might be looking forward to moving into the top slots, a reminder that age is better served by humility and wisdom not bullying and bravado.

I stumbled onto this book recently after doing some research on playground folklore and anthropology. Although the "fourth grade rats" line is traditional for rhymes ending at fourth grade, versions that go all the way though middle school are slightly different.

First grade babies,

Second grade tots,

Third grade angels,

Fourth grade snots,

Fifth grade peaches,

Sixth grade plums,

Seventh grade ladies,

Eighth grade bums.

There are all sorts of slight regional variations, but none of those that go beyond fourth grade call them rats. I'm not quite sure how seventh grade boys feel about being ladies, or how eighth grade girls feel about being bums, but I can see why a fourth grader might prefer being a rat to a snot.